When you know society is ruined FOR SURE

Just reading through DT’s blog and came across this post, in which he linked to this blog post about “cool” inventions that make your life easier. Oh my God, reading that post, I am just stumped on why he would say such great things about those things in his blog… it’s like… I am speechless on how to describe myself when I read his blog post.

Cup and Cookie

Like mentioned in DT’s post, you can only drink coffee from one side of the cup. Erm, ever heard of putting cookies into a jar and then bringing them out? It will hold a lot more than that measly “cookie holder” can hold plus you can dip your cookies into the coffee/tea/milk without spilling everything all over your pants! Hooray! Because no one likes to look like they’ve just peed all over themselves.

Banana Guard

Ever heard of a lunchbox? It can protect your banana, plus hold other things like sandwiches and juiceboxes! If properly placed, squishing of the banana can be prevented, and thus preventing the use of this wretched “banana protector”. Talk about double entendres…

Lock-Cup

This is probably most useful when you’re the most hated employee in the office. If you’re not, then don’t use this. Please. For the love of intelligence left in today’s society, don’t.

Penguin Tea Timer

How about just leaving the teabag in the mug? There is enough string to be left hanging over the edge of the mug, so that the teabag won’t fall in. Why do you need a penguin? It looks like animal exploitation to me.

Transparent Toaster

Anyone who wants to watch toast do what it does best – which is toast – must be sent to an asylum. There are much better things to watch, like watching grass grow and someone slowly chewing their beef jerky and asking them to show you their finished result. Plus this contradicts the Penguin Tea Timer. Is this the same company making these products? I claim false advertising! I’m going to throw myself in front of a bus and sue these bastards.

Butter Cutter

I have to admire people who want to make this world a better and healthier place by warning people the dangers of obesity, but this is just too far. Just imagine what you have to do to get the butter in there. You have to make right measurements with length and width, and then put it in there – quite possibly with your hands – and then you have to repeat this process when the butter’s finished in the butter cutter. Yes, because I want to waste my time with butter. Thanks.

Giant Remote

Useful for either a novelty item or for grandma and grandpa. Anyone who loses their remote on a regular basis, enough to buy this crap, needs to have their feng-shui readjusted or something, because this is just lame.

Dayclock

 

Ever heard of a calendar? When people are going crazy over technology, everything pretty much has a calendar these these days; cars, mobile phones, PDAs, TVs, transparent toasters. And yet you need something that “tells the date”. Because everyone needs something bigger and more chunkier than a mobile phone to know what the date is. Here’s a little scene I’ll act out for you:

Person 1: “Hey, I was wondering if you knew what the date is today?”
Person 2: “Sure, just let me grab my big, chunky and awkwardly-sized calendar clock out of my pocket.”
[Person 1 waits 10 minutes for Person 2]
Person 1: “Oh forget it, you might as well give birth and I’d wait for you then.”

Crime Scene Towel

Because everyone loves to know that you’re a serial murder.

Laser Scissors

What’s so hard about drawing a straight line with a ruler and a pencil and then cutting it? Well, it must be hard for someone seeing as this certain someone is the one who invented this piece of crap. And where’s the one for lefties? I smell discrimination.

Toiler Seat Lifter

This must be from the same company who invented the butter cutter. Stupidity from butter cutter + stupidity from that lame person who invented the butter cutter = this piece of ingenious crap. Also, notice how the pedal is fully pushed down, yet the toilet seat is only lifted that high? That’s just useless. I just feel sorry for whoever cleans toilets in their family.

Car Slippers

Unless you don’t know where the light switch is in your own house, then these slippers are for you. As if you’d want to wear them though:

Wife: “Honey, where are those car slippers?”
Husband: “Bwhahahaha, those slippers?! HAHAHAHAHA!”

Don’t wear them and save yourself some dignity.

Infant Pillow

Because your baby wants to be in the arms of a complete inanimate stranger’s hands. Don’t worry about a real mother’s warm hands, and the soothing pattern of a beating heart. This hand will solve your problems so you can go out and have some real fun, like going to the spas!

Traveller’s T-Shirt

Why not just buy a guide book at your local book store? You can learn where these important facilities are, PLUS learn about their customs and maybe even some of their basic language, all at the price of this shirt. Seriously. Maybe even less!

Modern Ladder

Pfft, yeah, “modern ladder”. Not very modern if people are going to have accidents on these things from the lack of side support.

Ergonomic Tray

I don’t really understand how this is going to solve tray spills, because even if said person carrying this trips, the tray is still going to fall out of their hands, or fingers in this case. It does not defy gravity, kids.

Wheel-moving bench

The goggles, they do nothing! Just when you think that your garden gnomes getting stolen was bad enough, this will send you on the brink of tears. Oh wait, just use the lock-cup.