Spam, penis sizes and green hair pills

Aside from having trouble picking a theme for my blog, I seriously need to update it. So, I get sent a lot of emails where people are asking me about increasing penis sizes. Once I got this email about pills. I’m not really sure what pills, but it was just pills. Something about turning your hair green. Sometimes I think these emails are sent because people are insecure about their medical conditions in real life, and hope to send these emails to in order to make themselves feel better about themselves.

I don’t fall for these things. I have a clearer mind than that! So that is why I hope to solve these people’s problems. Here a couple questions that I get sent over. This first question comes from milan Knutson. He titled his question – and a question that doesn’t contain a question mark – “Take her far from behind.” This is the problem:

“Dig deeper into his ass with your wonderful new gigantic tool.”

I’m sorry to hear that your tool is not as long as his ass goes, milan. To alleviate the problem, grab some margarine and rub it all over your tool. Make sure you scratch with your nails, so the margarine goes deep into the sections where it would not usually get in to. Keep doing this, three times a day for a whole week, and then your tool should be stretched to the point where you can really hammer his ass down. Hope you have fun with hammering down those nails!

Second question comes from Angela, with her question titled “Job Request”. This is her problem:

“My name is Angela, and let me tell you, I used to work really hard. Really hard… like millions of other Americans… while hardly getting by, living pay check to pay check.

I got divorced at a very young age I was left with having to find a new place to live with my very young daughter. I moved to Southern California for a new start on life which I found out very quickly was not easy. I had to work two jobs and freelance work on the side just to pay rent and small amounts of bills that piled up.

No matter how much or hard I worked my bank balance was always at zero at the end of each month, and my credit cards accumulating debt. I hated my jobs, my bosses, my debt and most of all I hated not being able to give the daughter the life I wanted her to have.”

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had such a horrible life. But to have married at such a young age, have a child, be stupid enough to get a credit card when you obviously cannot afford one… plus the fact that you always end up having zero in your bank account is very sad too. However, I suggest that you realise that you are under slave labour. Yes, it’s the shock-horror of reality, but it is reality never the less. I recommend using margarine. It can be used as a drug that will give you a better perspective on life, and will alleviate the pain in which you have suffered so much of. Luckily for you, margarine is a very common commodity in slave labour camps. You can find a lot in the mess halls, and if you’re sneaky and lucky enough, you can steal a lot from the store rooms. I hope you are off to a better life.

And that was Dr. WendySkeleton, a doctor who has a Ph.D in Margarine, and the Effects of Margarine… and Theory.