Sometimes I like to post small snippets of really silly and bigoted things that people say because that’s how I rant. But that’s all I ever seem to do these days. I can never add anything substantial to the post other than “this makes me so angry!” I am not much of writer, and I don’t like writing five blocky paragraphs of things that happen to me because one, I don’t like dwelling on the details; two, to be honest, I don’t think it’s very interesting, nor could I make it interesting either and three, I’m not a fan of revealing my personal life to anyone. Unless I threw in something about wrestling a crocodile. Maybe then I could tell you.
So I’ll just write about my “love” life, inspired by a post by LuLi because it’s good to get out of your comfort zone every once and a while.
There’s a reason why I put the word “love” in quotations. Because I have NEVER been in a relationship and strangely, at the age of 19, I’m not interested in one at all (all my friends seem to be actively looking for someone to be with). Nor have I actually been in love. Perhaps infatuation or crushing, but that’s it, really. So I shall tell you about my first crush.
First girl I ever had a crush on, I had going for like, two and a half years. She wasn’t my type. She was into experimenting with drugs and got drunk EVERY weekend. I don’t exactly enjoy hanging out with people who do that, because taking drugs is definitely not my idea of having fun, especially after the way I got so drunk on my eighteenth. I had a chance to talk to her, but we were merely acquaintances. My friend was then in the same science class with her and with that happening, I got to know her a little better, because she got talking with my friend and would hang out with us during lunches occassionally. I found out we were both music lovers, but I disliked the fact that her music tastes were so different to mine. I enjoyed indie music, and so did she, but she enjoyed the more obscure stuff, like Bjork, and really artsy bands, like The Red Paintings (they’re the fucking weirdest band I have ever seen. Can’t stand the lead singer either.) But of course, being a fifteen year old teenager with raging hormones, I thought she looked hot, and that’s all that matters to a horny teenager like me.
So the both of us actually become really good friends, despite our differences. I know, it confuses me as well. One day, I told her that I really liked her and she took it fine. She wasn’t freaked out and I was relieved. So we could all be happy-chaps. One day, I was walking home with her (because the both of us take the same route home) and she invited me into my house. Of course, now that I’m older, I understand the real reason why she wanted to invite me inside her house. But I was 15 and had no idea. I thought she was just being friendly. So I went in her house and hung out for a while. She then “makes her move” and we make out for a while. I was so surprised and shocked. It turns out, she reciprocated what I was feeling as well. Awesome, right?! No. The next day at school, I went up to talk to her and she was being so cold and distant. That went on a for a while and I finally asked her face-to-face what the Hell was the matter with her. She tells me that she did like me, but never wanted to take it any further because she just wanted to see what it was like to kiss another girl. So we never spoke after that. Even after that, I was still crushing over her because I still thought she was hot, despite her mean-spiritedness. I got over it around the end of Year 11. Though I’m still as bitter-as-Hell about it. And that’s the end of that chapter.
Now that I’m a little older, I have discovered this new-found confidence in me. I find it so easy to go up and talk to girls. I will talk to them if I’m interested in them, even if they are straight (even though with the straight ones, I won’t actually try anything). So at TAFE, the music department sometimes puts on these little concerts to showcase what the performers have done so far. And this is where my next infatuation starts. So me and some people I hang out with in my class go during lunch time. So the band’s playing the music, and she’s singing Drops of Jupiter by Train. She’s a very good singer, even though it was a little un-prepared. She actually messed up and I thought it was kind of cute that she did, though I realised much later because I was too busy focusing on what the drummer was doing. It was only then a day after the performance, class was finished and she was sitting in the hallway with her friends composing something that I got to actually get a look at her.
My God she was fucking hot.
Anyway, I used her performance as a conversation starter and gave her some constructive criticism. That was our first conversation ever. We seemed to be on good terms so far. So as a part of our course, we have to do a little project where we organise a little concert. My friend (who also has a thing for her) and I make our promotional rounds on the day of the event, telling all the students in the music-related courses about it, and so the both of us finally walk into her class. Awesome. Earlier, my friend and I decided we should have a little competition, as to who could hit on her first and take her out on a date. Can’t remember who proposed it, but we both agreed, and thought that we should invite her to our little shindig and do our competition there. So everyone in the class are doing their own performances and practising. I catch her talking with the teacher and make an effort to personally invite her to our event. I tell her about it, and she tells me she’ll be there. Sweet! My friend just says, “I really liked your Drops of Jupiter performance.” After the both of us walk out of the class, I just realise how pathetic his compliment was. And so I’m totally in the lead.
Jump to the time of the concert, I catch her sitting on the steps and she waves to me, and I wave back. Woohoo, I am definitely in the lead. At the same time, my gaydar is totally shit and I start wondering whether or not she’s gay. I reckon she’s straight, but my friend who has a thing for her thinks she’s gay, and a couple other people in my class think she’s gay too. So I finally go up to her and ask, “My friends were just wondering if you were gay or not?” She replies, “Sorry, I’m straight.” I think maybe for the first time in history, my friends genuinely wanted to know if she was gay or straight, and she took it that I was using “my friends” as a cover for myself, but then again, I actually did want to know if she was gay or straight. So I figure that she knows I am gay myself, and I am interested in her. Though if that’s the case, she seems pretty cool about it because during the last week of TAFE, they hold the final concerts for the performers, which is basically their final exam. I’m finally getting over her, realising that it’s not within my realm to pursue anything further with this woman. But I figured that I have friends in those performance classes that I made in a previous course, so I go for them, and not her.
So I go to this thing, and I’m talking to my friend from a former class, and she comes up to me and says, “Wendyyy!” like we’re old friends. What the Hell? I mean, we didn’t even know each other that well and she comes up to me like we’ve known each other for a while. I think she was happy to see me because she was surprised that I would come to this concert, even though it wouldn’t actually do anything on my part. We have our little conversation, and during the conversation, I just realise she’s wearing this tight short skirt and stockings and in my mind, my jaws drop (I was slow to realise this because of the low lighting in the concert hall). So I’m half-way through a sentence and then just stop. I realise that I’ve just stopped mid-sentence and she looks at me as if I’m a little absent-minded. So anyway, I’m kind of back in square one but not as infatuated because I realise that we can only be friends, and that’s as far as it’ll go. (We are however still on good terms with each other.)
Oh, and that competition? Just before I asked her whether she was gay or not, I actually did hit on her but failed. That’s actually the first time I’ve actually choked while hitting on someone. Once I found out she was straight, my other friend who was into her chickened out and makes an excuse, “Oh, she’s out of my league and she’s a little intimidating.” What a wuss. So that plan failed.
Posted by Wendy Voltaire 
Posted by Wendy Voltaire 
Posted by Wendy Voltaire 
