The Adventures of Lady Gaga – Part 2: Taxes and death

When we last left our intrepid hero, Lady Gaga, arrived fresh off the prison boat and thrust into the world of Morrowind thanks to some shady pulling-of-strings by the emperor who rules the land. Taking his time in the settlement, Seyda Neen, he finds the death of a taxman… and is hired to investigate!

The Adventures of Lady Gaga – Part 1: Clothes that fit

I’m going to do a set of “game diaries”, that is, I play a game and I document my aimless exploits, and I’m doing it through the game The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. And so we begin!

I wake up at the back of a ship that stinks of moldy wood. There’s some shirtless elf standing there. And apparently I was stuck in prison too. Maybe this elf was my gay lover? I’m not sure. He asks me my name, which I find a bit odd, seeing as we’ve been on this ship for a while together. Being stuck at the back of a ship that stinks of moldy wood, I’m not too keen on answering him, so I give him the smart answer.

You're ugly.

He seemed content enough, even though he kept staring at me. Awkward… maybe I shouldn’t have lead him on that night… Thankfully, the guard comes by and calls me up onto deck, where they thought I was important enough to be greeted by Morgan Freeman.

Hey, nice to see ya Morg.

Hell yeahs, this is what I call travelling in style.

After being asked to be go into another room where I finally tell a strange bald man where he asks me what my skills are, what my profession is and what my star-sign is. Oh jeez, this isn’t speed dating. I tell him my name is… LADY GAGA!

What kind of name is that? You need to get out more.

Once I take my papers to finally get permission to the dangerous world of Morrowind, I get escorted through a door to a small room, where they have a table set out for me and everything. Aw, how sweet! Or… I had other ideas. You just have to love how the law works here. Here I am, a convicted criminal being released into the world, and they put me in a room full of loose valuables, like silver plating, this strange liquid that is worth quite a lot. I even steal the piece of paper on the table. Ah, sweet loot.

Mmm, my precious

So I’ve finally made my way out towards the world, where I am finally free. I sell all my loot at the local trader and make my way out of here. Upon travelling, I stumble across some nekkid guy lying on the floor. I poke him with my short dagger which I stole from the previous room. He’s not moving. Yeah, okay, I lied. This is the true story, as farfetched as it sounds: while walking along, a wizard falls out of the sky. His hat looks intriguing to me, so I steal it from him. And I thought I may as well take his robe and his fancy shoes as well. What? He’s not going to be wearing it any time soon. I put it on, and miraculously, it fits me perfectly!

Nekkid face plant.

The blue in the robe brings out my eyes.

I look happy, don’t I?

Count to four!

Does anyone remember Feist, the singer who wrote the song 1234?

This was done quite a while ago, but I felt like listening to Feist this morning and was instantly reminded of this video, where she sang the song with slightly altered lyrics on Sesame Street. It sounds so good, and counting to four has never been so fun.

I am kind of ashamed

As someone who has lived in Sydney her whole life, I only actually found this out today:

Yep, that’s right. Raper Street.

Imagine telling people you have a party at your house and then telling them your address. Oh the lulz.